23 Things I have learned in 23 years

Hi my loves,

I am so sorry that my last post was like six months ago… Covid has pretty much ruined 2020 and all of my creativity with it. It is hard to believe that we have already lived through half a year of this shit, with likely at least another six months to go. I know I am not just speaking for myself when I say that this has been a VERY challenging and difficult year. 2020 was hard enough before the Corona Virus hit, and I often struggle to try to remain positive.

As I enter my Jordan year, I want to reflect on all of the things I have learned this year. The good, the bad, and the ugly have all brought me to where I am today. Despite everything, I fully believe that this year has given me the most challenges to show me just how strong and resilient I can be, as well as showing me that I still have much to learn.

Here are 23 things I have learned that hopefully you can learn from as well

1. Set boundaries for yourself, and don’t let people cross them. You do not have to respond to someone’s messages simply to be nice. You don’t always have to say yes when someone asks you to do something. You do not need to be available for every single person in your life 24/7 simply because they believe you will drop everything for them.
2. Set up a retirement fund, ASAP Rocky. I know that it may seem like 65 is a long way off, but in reality, it really isn’t.  If you want to live out your retirement like the BOSS that you are- you need to start saving now.
3. Soak up every second you can with your family and loved ones. I lost my grandfather to Covid this past May, and my heart hurts knowing I won’t ever be able to speak to him again. But I am very grateful I didn’t take my last few months with him for granted. You never know when it might be your last time seeing someone, so make it count.
4. Make a budget and stick to it. It might be tedious and annoying at first to break down your spending month by month, but it really helps you realize what you are wasting money on and where you should be cutting back in order to start saving money. (check out mint.com, makes shit easy).
5. Your words can hurt people, and they might forgive you but will never forget. You can be mad as hell at someone, but sometimes it is a good idea to take a step back and not respond. What you say in anger is usually unkind and intended to hurt the other person, and 10 times out of 10 will be something you regret.
6. Wear your Sunscreen. Just do it. 90% of premature aging is from sun damage, and I don’t know about you, but I would not like to look like a raisin at 35. So, find you a nice SPF 50 sunscreen and go to town.
7. Space and Grace. This is a phrase my mom has been saying to me the past few months and I think that it super helpful, especially during these times. Give yourself and others the space and grace to accept that we are all doing the best we can, and that it is okay if we are struggling. Don’t be so hard on yourself, you is doing great baby.
8. Communication is KEY. So many conflicts are solved just by bringing up how you are feeling and what is going on in your head to the other person. As humans we want and need to connect with others, and in order to do that effectively, we need to let them in and be honest. In any relationship, this will be very important and help you to navigate an issue or figure out how to move forward.
9. Things WILL get better. This past year has been incredibly difficult for me. I started it working at a job that wasn’t a good fit for me, struggling with trauma and pain from a past relationship, and generally unhappy with where I was in life. Fast forward 6-12 months later, and I am now working at a job that I love, and have moved on and healed from that relationship. Covid is another facet of this shitty year, but I know that if we have made it this far, we will be able to make it out of this too.
10. Baby steps. Most of us won’t land our dream job on our first try. Especially in the field I work in, you start at the bottom and work your way up. This is perfectly fine- embrace every opportunity that comes your way even if you aren’t sure about it. Try to make the most out of the connections and mentors you meet along the way.
11. Self-care is important. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Read that book, take that long shower, go for a run, whatever you want. Make sure to take time for yourself.
12. Appreciate where you are RIGHT NOW. It can be so easy to keep thinking forward, and to be frustrated that you haven’t “Made it” yet. Remind yourself that at one point you were dreaming of being where you are right now. Don’t take that for granted, be present.
13. It is okay to be unsure of yourself and make mistakes. If you are new at a job or just starting out, it can seem incredibly daunting and intimidating. Confidence comes with time and experience (who knows how long that will take, because hunny trust me, I ain’t there yet). Ask every question no matter how stupid you think it sounds, and don’t be afraid to mess up. That’s where you grow.
14. Overthinking ruins everything. I NEED TO REMIND MYSELF OF THIS, ALWAYS. I do it every time and spend hours and days overthinking things that are really not that complicated. Try to notice your thought patterns when this happens, and to challenge them. Notice when you are thinking to much and try to distract yourself when possible.
15. Wash your hands. Yes, 20 seconds, get between all the fingers, etc. etc. OH, and also wear a mask.
16. It is okay to feel sad and uncertain and unhappy, especially this year. This year is fuckin hard, man. It is hard as hell and we are all going through it. It is okay to be scared, and we are all doing what we can to survive and make it through. Lean on your friends and family and seek help when needed.
17. Say “I love you” and say it often. You will never regret telling someone how much you care about them, whether that be family or friends.
18. Learn your love language and understand that not everyone shows love the same way that you do. Mine is “Quality time”- I would take spending a day with someone over anything else. People can show love in many ways: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Once you learn how the other person likes to show and receive love, you understand them and how to love them in a way that they will appreciate. Don’t be afraid to tell them how you would like to be loved either.
19. Be grateful for everything. The fact that you woke up this morning, the food on your table, the people in your life. Don’t take anything for granted and remind yourself that every day is a gift.
20.  Learn to forgive. We all make mistakes, just let that shit roll, and move on- holding grudges just makes you a negative bitch. No one likes a negative bitch.
21.  Reach out to friends you haven’t heard from in a while. It’s a good thing to check in on people every once and a while, and you may event reconnect.
22.  Be direct about how you feel, what you want, and who you are. Don’t leave any room for misinterpretation when communicating with someone and say what you want to say- not what the person might want to hear.
23. Don’t be afraid to be unapologetically, unequivocally, yourself. You are exactly who you are for a reason, so stop comparing yourself to others, and just BE YOU. The right people will accept and love you for who you are, no questions asked.

XOXO,

Steph